


it feels better biting down.

by johnthecraptist



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hinted Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn-centric, zayn left and i'm sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:18:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnthecraptist/pseuds/johnthecraptist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes zayn wants to leave, so he talks to the four boys he loves more than his own happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it feels better biting down.

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah zayn left and i'm so sad. i wrote this accidentally when i was texting my friend about my feelings so yeah love yall

the thing is sometimes zayn misses being normal. he's not ungrateful, god no, he's so thankful to his fans and his boys and to his parents and his life has been something close to a dream. but zayn isn't like the others when it comes to fame. he isn't like louis, who can diffuse tension with a joke and a laugh. he isn't like liam, who knows how to answer even the most ignorant questions in a well constructed manner. he isn't like harry, who is honestly the most charismatic person he has ever met, being able to silence or command a room with his smile alone. he isn't like niall, who was the definition of sunshine, shining on everyone he comes across. no, he learns from early on that the fame can hurt, can destroy and break and bend beyond repair. and eventually zayn is done with it.

i.  
he tells louis about his thoughts one night while they're passing a joint back and forth, tells him about how it's getting too much. how he was tired of having to act a certain way, look a certain way. louis sits silent for a moment, during which harry can be heard singing loudly in the shower in the next room over. louis draws his lips into a smile that looks like it might hurt and finally responds with a nod and a quiet "yeah, i know" and zayn's heart begins to ache for his friend. his problems don't seem so big now. 

ii.  
zayn tells liam after getting shitfaced at a bar around 3 in the morning after the first cheating scandal happens. he stumbles his way to liam's flat, where he bangs on the door until a very tired liam answers in only his boxers and a t-shirt with a gruff, sleep filled "zayn?" and zayn just stands there swaying because god he's so dizzy and so tired. he throws himself into liam's arms, sobbing because it's all just _too much_ and liam takes him to bed and runs his fingers through his hair and a half asleep zayn whispers "liam, i don't know if i can do this for much longer." and liam stops playing with hair and is quiet for a few minutes and zayn is almost completely out when he hears a "just a bit longer z, for them. for me." and how can zayn say no to liam. so he holds out and maybe doesn't smile and laugh as much but he's there right, and that's what matters. 

iii.  
when he tells harry, the younger is not exactly surprised, probably something to do with louis, as nothing is louis' business without it being harry's and vice versa, and even if they had been completely stoned and it had been a year ago, louis doesn't forget the important stuff. and harry frowns when he hears zayn tell him "i don't think this is right for me anymore." harry just frowns his little harry frown, but a moment later it turns into a small sad smile. "we love you and we want you to be happy, whatever the cost," he says reassuringly, wrapping the older in a hug. and it feels like a little pressure has been let off zayn's chest. 

iv.  
months later, after the second time he's accused of cheating, he decides to take a break from the tour. and that break leads to him realizing how much he needs this, needs to get away. when he tells liam louis and harry that he's done, they understand. there's tears and there's hugs and there's unspoken words that are meant to stay that way. the only person that hasn't been told about it yet is niall. zayn saved niall for last for a reason, mainly being that when he told them was taking a break, niall broke out in sobs that shook his whole body and zayn had to rub his back and hold him until he calmed down. he tells niall to come watch a movie with him, and the two cuddle up in bed while zayn barely pays attention, absentmindedly running his fingers through niall's hair while he thinks of what to say. when the movie's finally over, niall yawns and stretches and grins that fucking grin at him, the one that screams "i love you more than anything" and then zayn is crying and apologizing with a broken string of "sorry, sorry, god i'm so so _sorry_ " and he feels himself being pulled into the younger's shoulder. it's a bit foreign, as zayn is usually the one comforting niall. niall hushes him and holds him, whispering reassurances of "sh, sh, it's okay, i know, i understand," and that's that. zayn falls asleep after awhile, clinging to niall.

v.  
the next day the five boys get together and hug and cry and reminisce and laugh and are just there. they're there for each other, with each other. and it's all zayn needs to know that this may be the end of his time in this band, but it will never be the end of his love for these boys.


End file.
